When it comes to kids and sleeping, I mostly see “black or white” posts about either never allowing your child to sleep in your bed or how the family bed is the only way to go. Well, what if I told you there is a gray area where your toddler can have her own bed, but also sleep in yours. The situation I have going on right now at home is kind of the best of both worlds. Let me tell you all about Mac’s sleep habits, our unique sleeping situations (including how we part-time bed share), and the benefits of both.

All Babies Love to Sleep, Right?

When I was pregnant, I was nervous about how I would care for a newborn and still manage to read a book, take a shower, or even just do some housework. I was comforted by the fact that babies are supposed to take big, long naps. I would have plenty of time to get things done.

Well, the joke was on me. Mac never took a nap longer than an hour and even then, it was only when she was sleeping in my lap or in a wrap. I quickly resigned myself to the idea that I would spend a lot of time stuck on the couch while she napped.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved all of the cuddle time. I tried really hard to not concern myself too much with the piles of laundry or the dust bunnies in the corner and just soak in all of the cuddles. And before anyone gives any advice, believe me. I tried it all except letting her cry it out. People can believe what they like but in my personal view, babies cry if they need something. And for a baby, the love and affection and closeness with a trusted adult is a need.

The Sleep Progression

When Mac was born, we bought a bedside bassinet. I wanted to bed share, but I was too scared when she was so little. The bassinet was perfect. Mac was close enough to pull over for nightly nursing sessions, but she had her own space for the majority of the night. Once she was too big for the bassinet, we shared a room with her floor bed. Then, when she had her first birthday, we moved her floor bed into her own room.

As I mentioned before, she had never been a great sleeper. For some reason, I was expecting some kind of amazing results to spring up from the fact that she was now a toddler and slept in her own room. Spoiler alert: they did not.

Let me be clear, the way it played out wasn’t terrible. When Mac got her own room, we upgraded her bed to a double sized mattress that we already owned. Our thought (and one I still stand behind) was that there was room to cuddle her or lay with her in her bed. Believe me, trying to cuddle her on the crib sized mattress was not fun.

This idea would’ve worked out great except I’m going to be totally honest, I was anxious and lazy.

The Slow Migration to Our Bed

As I said, I was anxious and lazy. Once I had to go back to work, I was suddenly dealing with an alarm clock that I needed to be next to in order to ensure I would be up and ready to go in time for work. If I fell asleep in Mac’s room, I may have slept through it. (And as much as I love Andrew, waking up to an alarm is not his strongest asset.)

I was also lazy. Well, maybe not lazy. But I was tired. I was tired of trying to figure out which one of us should be forced out of our warm bed. I was tired of trying to be as quiet as could be to sneak out of the room once she was asleep. I was tired.

Now, I can’t exactly remember when the slow migration to our bed started for Mac, but I’m sure I could summarize it pretty well. One night when Mac was probably sick/teething/extra tired so therefore cranky, we in desperation carried Mac into our room to lay in our bed. And darned if she didn’t hush up and go to sleep. It was like the magic solution.

Our current situation has us putting her to sleep in her own bed every night. At some point during the night, she will wake up and come into our room. The only time we deviate from this is when Mac is sick and feels she needs extra cuddles.

Why I Bed Share

There are several reasons why I bed share. Like I said before, our bed seems to be the magic solution to Mac’s sleep problems. 95% of the time when she comes into our bed, she is asleep within minutes. Not only does she fall asleep fast, but she tends to stay asleep.

Now she can’t really elaborate on this, but I think Mac sees Mom and Dad’s bed as her safety zone. Not only is it big, warm, and comfy, her two favorite people and her most favorite dog are all there also. Doesn’t that sound like a marvelous place? I don’t think it’s fair to tell her she can’t sleep in our bed when literally the entire rest of the family does.

As Mac has gotten older, she is quite the independent lady. And I am glad to raise a free range toddler who I have always made sure has freedom of movement. Since she learned to walk at 9 months old, she has not had time to sit and cuddle. But internally, she still craves that closeness and security. So instead of stopping during the day for some affection, she instead waits until nighttime. Studies have shown that “attached” children are more independent and secure than other children. I’m not willing to cut that attachment just because it happens at night. (I loved this article on Scary Mommy about lying down with your child.)

Why Mac Still Has Her Own Room

Mac still has her own independent space. I want her to understand that she has her own bed and that if and when she feels ready to sleep in it, her bed will be waiting for her. I know someone will pop up with a “horror” story about a child sleeping in their parent’s bed until adulthood. But I feel like if that is what a family is okay with, so be it. At some point, Mac will be old enough to understand that Andrew and I would like to have our bed back to ourselves.

Obviously it is nice to have our own bed for at least a few hours each night. Being able to stretch out is something that becomes a lot more difficult when you have our partner, toddler, and dog with you in a queen sized bed.

So tell me, do you part-time bed share? How do you deal with your toddler’s sleeping issues?