Does your toddler cry when you fold laundry a different way? Were they inconsolable when you suggested walking a different way to the park? Or do they demand that you sing the same dumb song every time they are in the bathtub because you made the mistake of doing it one time? Well good news, your toddler isn’t a dictator or drama queen in the making, they are just getting their sense of order.

What is a Sense of Order?

Toddlers have spent their entire life observing and learning how the world works. When their sense of order kicks in, toddlers expect their world to never change. It is very comforting for a toddler to know that their mittens are always in the basket by the door and that they always brush their teeth before bed.

Violating a toddler’s sense of order is, I would say, the number one reason for toddler tantrums. Think about it, toddlers cry when you don’t do something right, when you don’t go to the right place, when you don’t put something in the correct location. These are all things that go against their sense of order. Sometimes we can’t help it. Even though you usually go to the grocery store on Sunday, sometimes you run out of milk on Thursday.

Lightbulb moment! Their tantrums aren’t random. Toddlers aren’t rational, but at least you might be able to understand the idea that upset them in the first place. It might make you laugh that they cry when you cut their PB&J into squares instead of triangles, but how would you feel if someone took on of your favorite meals and added in a different seasoning? To a toddler, it is the same idea.

Mac doesn’t have her sense of order yet, obviously, since it doesn’t even bother her to wear her socks like this. But when it kicks in, I’ll be ready. I already have my living room set up in a Montessori fashion. All of the toys that are available have a spot and small pieces are always put in some sort of container to round them all up. That is also why I have the toy rotation. I only have somethings out for her to use. Too many toys means they can’t even begin to understand where all of the toys go. Physical disorganization means mental disorganization.

What’s the Downside?

Sometimes, things do come back to bite you in the butt. My co-worker made the mistake of putting her foot up on a stool to tie her shoe and one of the children were watching her. So every time the child walked by the stool, they stopped to put their foot up on it for a split second.

I currently have a child who helps me prepare snack frequently. On a particularly trying day, I was being silly and as I was instructing them to get the place mats, I sang the word and then raised the roof a little. (I have no clue. Why do I do anything?) So now, every day, I have to announce the next step by singing it and raising the roof because the child insists on it.

I also know a child who would cry when her mom folded laundry and balled up the socks. Why? Because socks are supposed to be separate items, not together in pairs (at least in her mind!)

But lets look at the upside. If you keep things tidy and organized, once your toddler gets their sense of order, they will help maintain the organization of your house. You can instruct them to put the socks away and because you don’t move around the clothes, the toddler will know exactly where to put them.

When toddlers come into my classroom, they get into a stage we call “cruising and dumping” where they literally just walk around the room and dump things over. It is incredibly frustrating to us as adults, but it is just the way they are exploring and figuring out their new environment. If this happens in the middle or end of the year, we usually have a few toddlers who have a really strong sense of order and they will usually do all of the tidying up for us.

What am I supposed to do about it?

Come back on Monday and I have two simple ways you can help minimize the tantrums due to their sense of order!

So what kind of silly things has your child cried or been upset about?