This year, my family decided to take a small vacation together instead of buying gifts. We were sick of trying to figure out what everyone wanted. It was hard to find something my dad would actually like that was made in America, something techy for Andrew, and finding anything that my sister would actually like and not just feel obligated to keep.

So after trying to plan several trips that were out of our price range, we settled on spending a weekend at Mystic Lake Casino. None of us are gamblers, except my brother Mason who is extraordinarily lucky when it comes to things like bingo, so this vacation was a bit strange to plan. We may have been dazzled by the off-brand holiday cirque show they had playing in their showroom this season.

Check-in was Friday. Andrew and I were able to get on the road fairly soon after work, despite me deciding to make a mug of tea and a cheese quesadilla for the road as Andrew was starting the car. We checked in, brought our luggage up to the room and the hijinks commenced. My sister brought Andrew an ugly Christmas sweater to wear later in the evening. He tried it on while my mom was out of the room and this may have happened:

Yes we are immature and changed my mom’s background to this wonderful picture of her son-in-law. We thought it was hilarious; she was slightly amused.

Andrew was the first to go in the bathroom in our room and he yelled out that there was a phone in there. I thought he just hadn’t seen one of those old hotel hairdryers that hang on the wall. So we had an argument where I tried my damnedest to convince him it was a hairdryer until he stretched the receiver into the room and asked why it had a dial tone. I hate when he’s right.

Friday night was mostly spent stuffing ourselves silly at the buffet and attempting to figure out how you play slots so we could spend the complimentary $10 vouchers we got for being guests of the hotel. We also managed to take a picture that is cute, but where I also look as big as a house. I blame the picture quality.

Ignore my double chin in this next one, but notice Andrew’s level of concentration?

It came in handy because as we were playing the 5 cent slots, Andrew won after pushing the button about 3 times. The total kept climbing and climbing and he kept trying to get me to look at his machine. I just kept thinking “big whoop, you won like $5.” When he cashed out his ticket, this is what we saw instead:

You probably can’t see it very well (because you are being distracted by the pure joy in Andrew’s face) but it was $313. Remember, we hadn’t even spent our own money, just a voucher. Andrew was so excited he kept alternatively shoving the voucher at me for safe keeping and then taking it back and putting it in his wallet.

The other highlight of the night was my sister mixing up words, which she does all the time. She told us that when she dies, she’d like an erotic funeral. I quickly corrected her through my uproarious laughter that she probably meant an exotic funeral. Thankfully she isn’t one to be easily embarrassed but I’m sure people around us were wondering what in the world was wrong with her.

Saturday started with coffee from the Caribou stand and some slots. We came to realize that most people don’t see playing slots as a group activity, but we definitely did. We made those vouchers last way longer then most people would because it became a spectator sport for us.

We also found the old style slots with the pull down handle. Naturally, we each took a turn pulling the handle because we are super cool people.

Look out Vanna White. I’m definitely coming for your job after the fetus is born.

Our wonderful family vacation had to be put on hold for a surprise going away party because everything always has to happen on the same day. We weren’t exactly sure what time our friends would pull up, so we spent a good chunk of the beginning of the party like this:

“But Mikki, that picture is too dark for me to see!”

That’s the point. We spent 15 plus minutes in only candlelight making small talk while we waited. It felt like a weird party. Then everyone piled into the corner of the room where I had settled myself into a chair so that they wouldn’t be seen when the guests of honor came in.

Now, I haven’t been to a surprise party before, but do they all contain a conversation where everyone discusses what to yell when the guest comes in? Because we had two of these conversations. One where we decided that “Surprise!” would be sufficient and a second to make sure we were all on the same page and had heard what we had settled on. I’m not really sure what else someone would yell at a surprise going away party because “We’ll miss you!” seems like a mouthful, “Bon Voyage!” is more appropriate for a cruise, and “Hey idiots, how did you not figure out the surprise!” is just rude.

The band then played one last gig together in the basement. It was baby’s first rock concert, so it was only appropriate that Dad played the drums.

At one point, someone opened a bottle of club soda that sprayed all over me and I may have made a joke about my water breaking. I’m sure I freaked out all of our friends seeing as none of them are even thinking about having babies right now. But I thought it was funny in my own twisted way.

Unfortunately, we had to cut the gig short so we could head back to see the show we had tickets for. We were cutting it kind of close and it was not made better by the fact that as we tried to park, we accidentally got in the valet line. I think we are the only people in the world who have accidentally valet parked. Thankfully it was complimentary and I’m sure our 13 year old Saturn enjoyed the fact we thought it special enough to join the ranks of the Escalades and BMWs waiting with it.

We were just in time for the show. It was strange, but a fun overall show. I’m pretty sure my dad hated the first half of it. Electronica is really not his style of music. But we did get to watch a flexible lady who could basically sit on her own head, a person who did a dance with lasers that I would not have wanted to watch if I had been on drugs, and a tightrope walker.

My dad must have liked it if he was willing to actually smile for a picture. (P.S. yes my parents are cute.)

We also liked it. We are probably not quite as cute. More awkward then anything else.

Then we went to dinner at a cafe that was inside but had outdoor umbrellas as part of their decor and despite the fact it was 10pm, felt like the middle of the afternoon. Casinos are so disorienting. I still had pancakes because baby doesn’t care what time it is or what time it feels like. It just wanted dinner.

I only have one picture of Sunday morning.

As is typical when we get together, I was helping my dad figure out technology. Then I had to wait for everyone else to pack up because apparently they were laboring under the delusion that we were now going to live at the hotel and therefore needed to bring enough clothes for a month and also arrange all of those clothes nicely in the closet and dresser in their room.

We all then caravaned up to my in-law’s house to have brunch together. Yes, I made sure they remembered how crazy and loud my family can be but they didn’t care. So the Saturn led Molly’s new Honda, Mason’s broken down Buick, and the Cadillac my parents bought to celebrate us all leaving the nest. Everyone managed to be on their best behavior and not make Andrew’s parents think he has made a 2 year mistake with our marriage.

This definitely wasn’t our craziest vacation, but it sure was fun. There has been talk of an renting an RV for next year and driving somewhere, but Andrew laughed like a crazy person because he thought I was joking and when he realized I was serious, had a moment of panic. So I guess we will have to wait and see.

Stats:

• Fights- 0 (major) 25-30 (minor)
• Money won- $360ish
• Plates full at the buffet- 15 not including desserts
• Swimming suit type worn loud and proud by the pregnant lady- bikini
• Nights Andrew slept in the second bed in the room so he could have more than 1/4 of the bed (I fully supported the idea)- 1
• Funniest TV channel at the hotel- Blackjack Tutorial Channel
• Mystic Club Cards left in a slot machine- 1
• Christmas music sing-alongs in the hotel lobby- 1
• Number of times I got carded-2
• Number of times Molly freaked out on someone- 3
• Number of times we embarrassed Andrew- countless